It's Mother's Day, Not Motherhood Day

When churches confuse the two, women can end up serving false (and
unbiblical) expectations.

Caryn Rivadeneira, guest blogger

My first Mother¹s Day ‹ as a mother, at least ‹ was a bust.

It started out well enough: My husband surprised me with a pair of
espadrilles I had admired in the (get this) Neiman Marcus catalog. But
somewhere after the shoes, disappointment became the theme of the day. It
ended with me in a rumpled mess in my 2-month-old son¹s nursery, crying. I
scowled at my husband: ³Today is the day to honor me, and you¹re not
honoring me.²

Aah, a shining moment.

Yet in a way, it was. Because as those ridiculous words oozed out of my
mouth, my brain and heart took note. And I realized a problem, not only with
my attitude but also with Mother¹s Day. And I¹ve had a problem with it
since.

Mother¹s Day is a day to honor moms. Clearly a good thing. Honoring parents
is not only biblical, it¹s one of the 10 laws God gave to the Israelites
and, through them, us. But what¹s always interested me about the command is
that it says to honor your mother, not Motherhood.

While I can look back at my first Mother's Day and blame the tantrum on my
exhaustion as a new mama, I realize that part of my tantrum was that I had
bought (hook, line, and espadrille) into the expectations surrounding
motherhood ‹ and hence, what a good Mother¹s Day looks like. When neither
panned out, I melted.

I bought into these expectations not just because they are touted in the
broader culture but also because they are taught from the pulpit. When we
celebrate Mother¹s Day at church, what we rarely honor is our own mothers ‹
persons with specific gifts and talents and passions ‹ but a stereotyped
institution. We celebrate and honor the Good American Middle-Class Mother,
or, as we like to call her, the Good Christian Mother.
 

We usually plan our honoring in church accordingly. We give flowers and pass
out chocolate. We show video montages of wild soccer-gear-clad kids, leaping
border collies, and frazzled moms. Over it all, a 5-year-old lisps out a
sappy-sweet thank you for all her mommy does. We preach on Ruth (without
mentioning that she wasn't exactly the Good Christian Mother) or from
Proverbs 31 (but leave out how little time this mom seemed to be on active
mommy duty, at least as we know it). And we probably encourage taking Mom
out for brunch so she ³doesn¹t have to cook.²

Through it all, we have often failed to actually honor moms. All we have
done is uphold cultural stereotypes, the kind that dishonor moms (and God, I
think, but that¹s another post) more than anything else.

Maybe I¹m being harsh ‹ and I know plenty of moms who enjoy any one of these
things (I love border collies!). But given the way many churches honor moms
on Mothers Day, I would assume I¹m not the only woman who has ended up a
rumpled mess at the end of it.

We also know (and to be fair, many churches recognize) that Mother's Day is
brutal for women who long for children. We know that it¹s hard for a child
of any age whose mother has died. And we can understand that it¹s difficult
for those whose own mothers are not exactly easy-to-honor women.

It¹s probably too late to change sermon topics or to call off the ³mom-tage²
video tribute. (And who really wants to cancel the chocolate?) But it¹s not
too late for everything. If churches really want to honor moms on Mother¹s
Day, they can encourage moms to be individuals, to be helping them shed
their facades, to step out of cultural assumptions and to live and take on
duties and demands in accordance with who God made them to be.

How do we do this? First, we need to get over the thought that honoring moms
needs to happen just one Sunday a year. Why not carve out times to hear
stories from mothers in your congregation or community who are living out a
calling that looks very different from the stereotypes? Listen to and learn
from what these women have to share. Or, how about taking time to hear
stories of mother-child reconciliation? Let¹s start looking for examples of
a mother¹s unrelenting love, something that¹s closer to the heart of God
than most other things on earth.

When it comes to honoring our moms or any mom, churches should just remember
that while we share many things in common, each mom walks her own road ‹
with her own purpose and mission. The best thing a church can do is walk
along that road with her, encouraging her at every step.

Caryn Rivadeneira is the author of Mama¹s Got a Fake I.D.: How to Reveal the
Real You Behind All That Mom
<http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=WW074938&p=114
9172> . She lives in the western suburbs of Chicago with her husband, three
kids, and newly adopted pit bull. Visit her at CarynRivadeneira.com
<http://carynrivadeneira.com/> .