Asking For Help!

I had a conversation with one of my girls yesterday. She came over to talk about friendships, boys and her upcoming senior year. The school here is year-round, so classes begin on Wednesday.

As I was talking with her, I realized something about myself. Isn’t it funny how things like that happen?

She is a very out-going girl. She is beautiful, confident, fun-to-be-around and one of those girls that can go deep with God and her faith. But, she was saying that she was struggling a bit with what next year will look like. Who will her friends be?

I am a pretty out-going, extroverted person. I usually don’t get offended very easily. I am confident that the friends I have genuinely care about me. But, sometimes, because I am not outwardly “needy”, I come to places in my life when I need people. And, since most of my friends see me as the type of person who handles life well, I have come to realize that when I get lonely, I need to speak up.

Why is it that we feel like we can’t tell others when we are lonely? Why do we live our lives sending out little clues, hoping our friends will pick up on those clues and step in to show us love? I am realizing, as I grow in Christ, that my friends really do care about me. But, when I get lonely, sad or just in need of others to reach out to me for a change, I pull back and I don’t tell anyone. Well, that isn’t true. Sometimes I tell my husband. Other times I tell my mom. But, I don’t ever ask my friends for help.

This pregnancy is doing a number on me when it comes to hormones. I am sad a lot. Also, the weather here is rainy and gloomy and gray. It makes me sadder. It is also hard for me right now because I am beginning to believe very specific reoccurring lies about my friends. Please note, I recognize that these are lies, but they seem so real when I am so sad:

Lie 1- The missionary friends that I have here in PNG are realizing that I am probably going back to the States in less than a year, so they are pulling away. Why invest in her anymore?

Lie 2- I don’t have a best friend here in PNG. I have lots of good friends, but not a best friend. (Again, this is a lie, because in reality, the depth of friendships here is so strong that you really don’t need just one best friend. But, I am believing that I do.)

Lie 3- Friends back in the States are mad at me for not communicating better. I can’t just e-mail or call one of them and just start crying….I have dropped the ball with communicating with them, so that is not an option.

Lie 4- Because some of my friends back home and here in PNG are struggling with some BIG things in their lives, the things I want to talk about or cry over are trivial in comparison….and for some friends, would only make their present circumstances sadder for them. You need to suck it up, Adrienne.

The list could go on. But, you get the point.

The fact of the matter is that we will all go through seasons or periods of loneliness in our lives. Some more than others. It is a given. But, why do we keep silent? That is my question. I have felt especially convicted about not speaking up because I claim to be a Christian. Aren’t Christians supposed to be happy all the time? Well, the answer is- of course not! But, as Christians, we claim to be a part of a stronger community. We ARE a part of a stronger community. When surrounded by others who love God and others who have been in this place before, they have wisdom and a depth of knowledge and insight that comes directly from God. God can use them to comfort and show love in ways unimaginable.

This past week-end, that happened. Caleb called a friend via Skype back home. I was up to my elbows in soapy water from washing dishes….and had a million other things that had to be made from scratch or cleaned up or tended to. But, the wife of this friend begged to talk to me. In reality, I didn’t want to at the time. But, God used that conversation to encourage me in a way that I needed at that very moment. She is one of those friends where you can just “pick up where you left off”. It doesn’t matter that it has probably been a year since we e-mailed or talked. But, we have a history. She knew me in college, when I first got married and when we made the decision to move to PNG. Talking to her pointed out the fact that I had been believing lies. My friends back home do care. There may be some friends who are angry with me for the lack of communication, but the majority doesn’t. It was also really nice to talk about being pregnant with her. She knows the relationship that I have with fear in my life. But, she was able to speak words of truth into my life to show me that God has changed me and has made me into a new person. She said she could literally hear how different and changed-for-the better I have become.

Granted, I have a lot of growing that still needs to happen. The molding and shaping do not just stop because I learned one lesson today. In a day or two, I might be sad again or lonely again. Hopefully, I will branch out and speak up to my friends here in PNG. Who knows, maybe the sun will come out or my hormones will even out for a change. But, I have learned things through this experience….and I encourage you to do the same. Don’t just send out clues and hope others will help. If you need help, seek it out. Your friends are your friends for a reason. But, life is busy and some are just NOT the best as perceiving when you are hurt or really in need. Tell them that you need help and watch the love of God work through them to comfort you in ways unimaginable.

To all my friends back home- I miss you like crazy! And, thanks Katie….for our talk!