On Being "Home"...

Maybe you have been following Facebook, but I thought it would be good to take the time to write a bit about the trip back to America.

PNG feels like a blur to me.  It almost feels like it never existed.  When I read or heard about culture shock, I assumed that it had to do with seeing people and seeing America and thinking that we didn't fit in or something.  Or, this idea that America has moved on and we stayed the same.  I wasn't expecting utter shock.  I feel like I am in shock.  It kind of feels like the time after I had my first child.  It's that kind of shock.  Am I really here?  Did PNG really happen?  Is there really a chance I may never go back?  I desperatly miss my friends from PNG.  But, am I really hugging my mom? my dad?   Am I really laughing and chatting with my friends?  Surreal....absolutely and undeniably surreal.  And, it's a bit unnerving.  And, it's a bit scary for me.

The flight from PNG to the west coast was way better than we expected.  We prepared for the worst.  And, when Mel's first tooth starting coming in, we expected the worst.  But, our children were absolute angels.  They slept a lot on the plane.  They didn't fuss or complain.  It was actually a joy to be around each other....which is so not what we expected.

Then, we reached the west coast and we didn't get hit with jet lag like we thought.  Sure, we were tired and needed a bit more sleep, but it didn't knock us out or make it hard to function.  The kids ate and slept when needed and during the "correct" west coast times.  It truly felt like a vacation to be with Loria and Brad.  They took us shopping, out to eat, stocked the pantry with some of our favorites....and we took an impromtu trip to Fresno where it was nice and warm and really relaxing.  I didn't want the time to end.  It was what felt like a dream vacation.  I was surrounded by people I loved, my family was handling the travel back well and I was excited to see everyone in Raleigh.

We arrived on the east coast as scheduled.  Our small group from our church, along with my dad and stepmother, greeted us at the airport.  They had signs and balloons and cheered.  We all hugged and smiled and it felt (in a strange way) like we had never left.  Ben's friend John was there and they have been inseperable ever since.

We are now living in our friends' house.  David and Amy were there at the airport when we arrived.  But, the next morning, they traveled to Florida to visit with family for a week.  They are letting us live in there home and we are so blessed to have this time together (alone) before all the traveling and visiting begins again.  As I sit here, using their computer, calling friends and family on their phone, eating food from their fridge and sleeping in their oh-so-comfy bed, I am reminded that God has given us a support system that was pivotal to our survival and ability to thrive while in PNG.  We have THE best friends, literally all over the world.  I am sure of it.

Today, we went to our church and caught up with so many faces of people who have been praying for us and supporting us while in PNG.  Oh...and I guess I forgot to mention that my friends all put together a bit of a wardrobe for me.  And, with the help of my sister-in-law Alana, I even had a new dress to wear today to church.  It may sound silly to blog about this, but clothes were something that I was really stressing....but I shouldn't have, because God had it all covered.

Last night, though, I didn't sleep.  I had a bit of what I call insomnia.  It stems from not being able to shut my brain off.  I went to bed at 7pm tonight, but was woken up at 7:30pm by Mel needing to nurse.  And, I fear that I am not going to be able to sleep again tonight.

I am starting to get really anxious over our plans for travel this next month.  In a sense, I feel as if I don't have a "home".  And, it isn't really the actual house that I want.  It is a place that we can "start over" again.  Where will we be living?  What kind of job will Caleb have in the months to come? 

I am having to cling to the Scripture and the truths that I hold so dear right about now.  I know in my heart that I need to be living one day at a time in step with the Spirit, but it is hard to not want to demand an answer as to what is to come.  We have visited with so many amazing people these last couple of days, yet there are still so many more that I waqnt to see.  And, because I am not sleeping, all that visiting and driving seems exhausting.  Keep in mind, I WANT to see everyone.  But, I am feeling apprehensive as to whether or not I am going to be able to keep up this fast and crazy pace around the east coast.

Prayers are welcome....and, with God's strength and a good night sleep, I am sure my outlook will be different tomorrow....