Sunday....the day we left the village

This post was written before we left the village that evening. Before, I had been struggling with my attitude and had been relentless counting down the days until we were finished with this training and experience. I would like to share with you what I learned the Sunday morning before we left the village. It is ironic what we learned and then what actually happened...

It's Sunday. We are finished with village living this coming Thursday! As close as it seems, the days are.....going by....sooooo.....slowly! This morning, over smoke-flavored cinnamon buns and "oh-so-fabulous" campfire coffee, we were singing "This is the Day" in Tok Pisin with Ben. It occurred to me that even though I loooooong for Thursday to come and could care less about today, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, God did not give us these days to just "get through" them. These are precious days of our life, gifts from God, if you will, to make the most of. I realized that it is all about perspective and quite honestly, for me, it's about a serious change of my attitude.

This morning, I marveled at all the new words Ben has been learning. He is stringing together whole sentences and phrases. As Caleb and I have become "skilled" story-tellers in Tok Pisin, Benjamin has become a skilled story-teller in English. More often than not, Ben will start telling a story about the dogs, going swimming or getting fruit from the trees outside our house. After the story, he laughs! It is the kind of laugh that invites you, no, begs you to laugh with him. It's almost like he knows he is funny and that his story is funny, but that now is the time that you should laugh with him. In fact, I, as a mother, know that this story-telling gene of Benjamin's is hereditary. It's a Benke trait passed down from my grandfather to my father and now to Ben. I wish Beach Grandpa could see this!

This morning, this morning of fresh perspective, I watched as Ben begged to wear our swimming goggles. He ran around the village house laughing and carrying on. He even begged to wear them as he delivered a couple of cinnamon rolls to our neighbors. Looking at him, I could not help but think, "All that's missing is the cape....and then he would look like a Superhero". I realized, Ben is enjoying today. Even now, he is trying to make the most of it.

He's growing up...entirely too fast! He's smart....goodness he is smart and adaptable and out-going. I know that he is a toddler, but it feels like he is no longer a baby or a toddler but a little boy now. We have to watch what we say or how we say it....even tone. The other day, I yelled "Caleb, come here". My little parrot made it sound so difference. Also, everything is a question. It goes like this:

"Mommy. What you doing?"
"Benjamin, I'm cutting an onion."
"Cutting Onion?"

or

"Benjamin, put that down here."
"Put down here?"

except for this one:

"Benjamin. I love you."
"Luv you, Mom!"

No question!

All that being said, I am grateful and thankful for my husband and my son. During a time in my life, when I wish this village living experience/training experience would just end, I find myself literally begging myself to have a change of attitude. It is easy, so stinkin' easy, to focus on what is hard. My mind constantly wanders to thoughts of home- friends engaged, friends pregnant, new babies, friends you long to see, children of friends growing up, friends and family struggling, grandparents you long to spend more time with because it is never enough, or Ben's grandparents who would actually enjoy Ben's bouts of defiance....because at least they would physically see him. Yeah....like I said, it is easy to think on these things. But, that was another season of our life. We are here in PNG, surrounded by God's creation- new scenery, new people, entirely new views about who God is....entirely un-Western ideas and viewpoints. The phrase, "His mercies are new every m!
orning," well, I see his new countless mercies when I stop focusing on myself. They are everywhere!

I'll close with this: I feel like I am wasting my life, my time here on earth, when I count down to the end of this village living phase. I don't want to waste my life. I don't want to point my finger at God (with my actions and attitudes) and say. "Thanks for the next 4 days of life you have given me. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just survive until Thursday....then I will start living again."

I am learning the difference between surviving and living.