The Hard Part....

I knew that packing up and saying “Good-Bye” was going to be a challenge.  But, trying to do it with the flu has been next to impossible.

 

Last Friday, Ben got a high fever.  We took him to the clinic, where they ruled out malaria and other things like that.  He was sick Friday and Saturday.  Mel was sick Sunday and Monday.  Caleb was sick Monday and Tuesday.  I was sick Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  So, we have had a week of a sickness that is still lingering with all of us.  Mel isn’t sleeping well.  Ben, Caleb and I sound like we are coughing up lungs every other hour.  All of our bodies ache and we get tired very easily.

 

During this sickness, life continued on…just at a much slower and less busy pace.  I had to cut back on the things I wanted to do and only did the things that I needed to do.  I hosted a really fun, super-memorable after-banquet party last Friday night.  Then, this week, when we weren’t sick, we were busy organizing and sorting for our pre-sale (which happened today).  The pre-sale was just a fancy sounding way to invite all the newer families here.  The things we had to sell were nice….and needed.  They would have sold fast on the boards.  But, when we first got to Ukarumpa, a couple did this for us…let us have first choice, so I thought it would be a good idea to return the favor.  It was probably the best idea I have ever had.  It was so less stressful to only have a couple families coming through instead of everyone who lives on or near this center. Practically everything we wanted to sell is sold! 

 

I have pictures to post from the sale….but I wanted to take a little time to post some of my thoughts.

 

This is the second time that we had to gather our belongings and choose what we wanted to keep (next to nothing) and what we wanted/needed to sell.  Caleb and I both agree that this past week, we really “felt” that we are getting ready to leave.  It is almost like it hasn’t seemed “real” until now.

 

Selling Ben’s toys was hard.  He has been amazing with it.  He just tells people that he has to sell his toys here so that he can get some more toys in America.  But, even though he seems to be taking it well, I know that deep down it has to be hard.  Caleb and I were packing up the toys that, compared to what we had in the States, are CRAP toys.  But, these crap toys were Ben’s crap toys.  Between 2-4 years old, he has done a lot of growing and a lot of imaginative play with them.  It feels like some of those memories might disappear with the toys.  Frankly, it was sad…..seeing all the toys he has ever really known, packaged up to be given to someone else. 

 

You might think that as a missionary, I would be “happy” to give everything away.  But, that is not the kind of missionary that I am.  I struggle, just like everyone else, in finding my identity in what I have and don’t have.  Even now, I about have a panic attack thinking about the little wardrobe that I have to bring back to the States.  I stress about Caleb not having a job and us not having a reliable cellphone or computer.

 

But, when I get thinking like this, I have to remind myself of what I do have to look forward to.  Yes, it is hard to pack up our life here in PNG.  I would like to think that some day we will come back, but in reality, this could be “Good-bye” to PNG forever.  I am praying that God would completely hear us soon.  We are so tired and worn out from this sickness….but there is still so much living and loving and good-bye-ing left in us.

 

So, this post might not make a lot of sense….but that is how my brain is right now.  Hopefully I will be able to write more soon about some of the other things going on here….